Poetry for the Young Realist: No One Likes A Puritan
Happy Thanksgiving. Let’s not forget why America exists in the first place…because some people are so hard to be around that you have to send them off to the “New World.”
Before I get accused of being the Thanksgiving Grinch…I’m thankful for many things. In particular this year I’m thankful for my little stowaway and her father.
No One Likes A Puritan
I. We celebrate each late November
A date we know we should remember
When persecuted pilgrims sailed
Across the ocean and prevailed
Upon these rocky shores.
Don’t think the story is completed
With tales of corn and natives greeted.
That boat contained some noble envoys
But they were joined by royal killjoys.
No one liked the Puritans.*
II. If you shun your well-dressed neighbor
And never greet or grant them favors,
If you refuse to house-or-dogsit
Your principals may justify it
But no one likes a Puritan.
III. When you say “no” to every party
Especially when the crowd is arty
It’s true you’ll never face temptation…
For fun, or mirth, or celebration.
That’s why folks hate Puritans.
IV. Food and beverages are fun
And, yes, often overdone.
But turning down each scrumptious pleasure
Makes you seem more grim than measured.
It’s tough to be a Puritan.
V. A joke can be both crass and funny
Concerning poop or sex or money.
If you don’t deign to laugh along
Insisting that it would be wrong
No one will like you, Puritan.
VI. While your beliefs may be sincere,
Your values too may be held dear,
It is your right to hold them firm
And not to compromise or squirm.
But people may not like you.
So like the Pilgrims long ago
If your answer’s always “No,”
Don’t be surprised if no one sees
The beauty of your earnesty
And wishes you’d set sail.
Historical Footnote:
* We know that no one liked them, because they were persecuted. People don’t persecute people they like.
