Poetry for the Young Realist: No One Likes A Puritan

Happy Thanksgiving. Let’s not forget why America exists in the first place…because some people are so hard to be around that you have to send them off to the “New World.”

Before I get accused of being the Thanksgiving Grinch…I’m thankful for many things. In particular this year I’m thankful for my little stowaway and her father.

No One Likes A Puritan

I. We celebrate each late November

A date we know we should remember

When persecuted pilgrims sailed

Across the ocean and prevailed

Upon these rocky shores.

Don’t think the story is completed

With tales of corn and natives greeted.

That boat contained some noble envoys

But they were joined by royal killjoys.

No one liked the Puritans.*

II. If you shun your well-dressed neighbor

And never greet or grant them favors,

If you refuse to house-or-dogsit

Your principals may justify it

But no one likes a Puritan.

III. When you say “no” to every party

Especially when the crowd is arty

It’s true you’ll never face temptation…

For fun, or mirth, or celebration.

That’s why folks hate Puritans.

IV. Food and beverages are fun

And, yes, often overdone.

But turning down each scrumptious pleasure

Makes you seem more grim than measured.

It’s tough to be a Puritan.

V. A joke can be both crass and funny

Concerning poop or sex or money.

If you don’t deign to laugh along

Insisting that it would be wrong

No one will like you, Puritan.

VI. While your beliefs may be sincere,

Your values too may be held dear,

It is your right to hold them firm

And not to compromise or squirm.

But people may not like you.

So like the Pilgrims long ago

If your answer’s always “No,”

Don’t be surprised if no one sees

The beauty of your earnesty

And wishes you’d set sail.

Historical Footnote:

* We know that no one liked them, because they were persecuted. People don’t persecute people they like.